Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
