Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
