so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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