If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
