I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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