I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
