I accidentally had phone sex last night
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
