i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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