this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He felt like a one man threesome
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
