hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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