What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
