So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
