WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I need to calm my uterus...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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