State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Are we still banned from the library?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
