so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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