make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
