Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
