U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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