So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
