I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
