I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
