One girl and one boy is just not enough.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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