i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
