Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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