I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
