The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
