There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
