the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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