id be glad to
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He better not be in your backpack
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
