What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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