Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
