D3 body, D1 cock
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
