yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
