last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
