So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
