no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
