My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
