just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
