I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Shame is for Republicans.
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