So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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