dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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