OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
