Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
