I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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