can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Randomize
