Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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