I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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