1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
