It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
