Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
The maid of honor just puked.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
