so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
