see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
